After failing to provide sufficient resistance against the advancement of Bitcoin via legislative measures, the United States have today commenced a large scale military operation against the payment network.
According to documents provided by Coinleaks, President Obama has designated the Bitcoin Headquarters as the primary target. In the early morning, the U.S. Navy has dispatched an aircraft carrier in each cardinal direction.
In various cities around the world, U.S. soldiers were spotted running up and down the street in an effort to chase the signal traveling through the underground internet cables.
An arrest warrant has been issued for Satoshi Nakamoto, which led to the arrest of several hundred thousand Asian-looking males across Japan.
Dubbed “Operation Motherboard Waterboard”, one of the leaked memos instructs generals to utilize infra-red heat detectors to pinpoint cold storage locations, and to use metal detectors to track illicit bitcoin movements. Troops have also been trained in the indigenous bitcoiner language, learning such phrases as “empty your wallet.dat file onto the table”, “where is the next block going to happen”, and “don’t think you’re above moore’s law”.
According to eyewitnesses, the Bitcoin Embassy, allegedly involved in the sale of Bitcoin T-shirts, is currently surrounded by local law enforcement.
The mining hardware company Butterfly Labs was raided as well, but no functional hardware was found.